So, I know in my last post which was like last December or January (a long long time ago) I said that that was my last post to finish up with abroad info. and such. Well, I didn't realize it at the time but that was definitely not even close to the end of how I have continued to be affected. The end has yet to arrive. Whether it will at all is in serious question here. I continue to miss Italy and everything I had there and I continue to try to adjust to my new outlook on life. But, I have had some things on my mind that I have really felt God asking me to share openly about what I have learned and how I have changed since being abroad which in turn will hopefully encourage you all.
Abroad is difficult to say the least. I have heard it said that studying abroad is probably the hardest experience one can go through relating to moving and living somewhere. I had a full, complete life there. I had a routine, certain places I ate at, a certain Italian brand of shampoo I used, etc. My life was complete there and it didn't directly include anything having to do with my life here in the states. Nothing. Because of that I have greatly mourned the lose of the knowledge that that is the only time in my life that that experience will ever happen AND I have mourned the lose of my life in Italy. However, due to this big transition in my life, God has shown me that he has bigger things in mind for me than living abroad for several months. Before I left, I was freaking out about the idea of being without everything I knew for the semester. I've always lived no more than 20 minutes away from my incredibly loving and caring parents. But because I have seen myself grow and "blossom" due to this rather large step, I am more confident in my future, the future God has designed for me. Comparing the before and after: before I was so anxious for the next step in my life. I didn't just want to know what I was doing next, I had to know what I was doing 3 steps from now. I didn't like not having a very laid out plan that I could strictly follow. Now, God has shown me that my plans don't exist. He asked me to go abroad and because I did, I am so much better off. It's almost like he needed me to make a ginormous step so he could have me make smaller steps, yet still large ones, in the future. Take a big step first so you will trust me, then you get smaller ones after you do type thing. I think God needed for me to prove to myself that his plans for me are good. Without me fully trusting that he is a "safe" bet, there would be no next step in him. (When I say "safe" I mean that I can do what he asks, no matter how challenging and no matter what might happen to me). I would never get out of my safe religious bubble without this realization. (Two very different "safes" I'm talking about here. Human/worldly safe, and then godly safe) What is "safe" has no place in a relationship with God. God isn't safe. In no place in the Bible does it say that truly following him will lead to safety and security in this world.
I love the south, but certain beliefs about what accompanies a "christian" life needed to be broken in me. I had fallen into that trap and was not willing to get out of my comfort zone until he asked me to go abroad. What the rest of my life holds for me is up in the air, literally. But for the first time, I love the adventure in that. I have always loved adventure and exploring. Just the other day I realized it wasn't so much the adventure of the new experiences I love, it's the excitement of how I can be used in that new place. In most cases, I think I love the fact that God is sending me to spread his glory. As I apply to the graduate school I believe God is asking me to go to, there is little to no anxiety over the fact that it is in Colorado. For 3 years I will be without my security blanket aka parents, current friends, etc. For all I know, I will never live near my parents again. A year from now as I am moving/moved there, I may or may not have anxiety but I know that God directed me in going abroad and it was the best experience I have ever had. Why should I been afraid to live across the country? I refuse to allow myself to make my parents my idol because I'm nervous about being without them. And although rather large obstacles are already being thrown at me to hinder the process, this just brings him more glory, and bringing him glory is the whole point.
Abroad has made me a much stronger individual. I could literally write a book about a girl who was sheltered yet went abroad and was not the same person as a result of it, but I highly doubt that is in my future. Any ways, that is the end. Dot. Dot. Dot.
p.s. If anyone wants to talk about Italy, I would be more than happy to get together and never stop talking about it. After the first little bit after getting home people tend to get sick of hearing about it. So....
